I recently had a minor panic about becoming stagnant and boring and not being creative enough to fulfill my everyday needs.
I am currently between houses at the moment and plan to move into my new place at the end of next week. Meanwhile, I have been staying at my parents’ place (or ‘home’ as it is often referred to), which has been great. See, the house I grew up in is this big, typically British country house with an incredibly green garden complete with a spacious allotment, which is currently overflowing with fresh lettuces, juicy tomatoes and asparagus up to my knees! The problem is I feel so trapped and isolated. I do enjoy coming home, don’t get me wrong. It’s extremely tranquil and scenic, and is a great place to escape to. However, I feel like my entire life has been put on hold and that I am not progressing to the next stage quick enough to satisfy my anxious mind. What coming home has taught me is that I am not very creative unless I am ‘doing things,’ which is obvious, right? You won’t be creative in life unless you construct stories that nourish your creativity.
I used to believe in escaping to the countryside to write, think, read, play music and focus on every other creative aspect of my life. I often felt that by getting away from society I would become more creative. I have enough alone time with my thoughts, and all the time in the world to create whatever you can think of.
I have recently discovered this isn’t in fact true.
It’s made me feel very still, isolated and unmotivated. I haven’t collected a story in awhile and refuse to open my creativity because there is no need — nothing will change.
I realise now that in order to unlock my own creative side, I need to do things uncommon to me and experience random, enthralling and mind blowing things that will spur on my creative passion. Although to many this is obvious, it has taken me until now to realise this, and the only way of doing this is to get back to London and be ‘in it’ again, amongst the crazy hassle of people.
For me, creativity is everything. I live for unconventional ways of life, and by creating, innovating and developing things myself, it certainly helps satisfy my head. I have also noticed that while being home I have suffered greatly from anxiety. I have always been an anxious, worrisome person and often lose sleep to my over-contemplative thoughts and extreme goals and dreams. Where most people would dislike this personality trait, I love it. I really enjoy losing sleep, over-thinking and letting my mind go into places it’s yet to explore. This to me is where my creative side comes from, and without the minor insomniac moments, I would feel as though I were conceding to societal convention.
My new goal then, is to ride it out at home and appreciate what I have and love, and when I hit London again, let my mind explode into a new, fascinating and highly creative realm. Hopefully something good will come of it.