I’ve recently realised how to deal with my anxiety and fear of failure. It’s through appreciating the journey itself that you’re destined to find happiness.
I’m a massive goal setter. I always make sure I know my 5 year plan and create multiple routines centred around development tasks to ensure I reach my end goal. It’s only until now that I realise how counter-productive this mindset actually is.
I’ve recently wrapped up 5 weeks of CBT therapy, something I self-referred myself to so that I could figure out a smarter way of dealing with anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed, rather than ignoring my problems altogether. If I took anything away from these sessions it’s this:
Be in the present instead of focusing on the future, and accept that there are times when you won’t be able to reach your goals.
I’ve never been good at being a present person, and honestly, I never will. I enjoy pondering what I’ll be like in 10 or 20 years, whether I’ll be wealthy or poor, fat or thin, diseased or healthy, successful or unsuccessful. For me, success is nothing more than respect from others. Respect for who you are defined as, respect for your hard work, respect for your mastery in your craft. It’s never about the money, and never will be. I could live in a box at 40 years old, as long as people around me treated me with dignity and respect for what it is I am doing, that’s all I’m concerned with.
Because of this desire to be respected beyond the norm, I’m constantly thinking about what it is I need to be doing that will help me reach this goal, and instead of working hard on something day-by-day without fear of where it will go, I ponder. Ponder whether I’ll ‘make it’, whether I will ever be as respected as my hero’s, whether or not I’ll leave a strong enough legacy, and I conclude that in order to achieve this goal, I need to set goals and ‘dream big’.
The truth of the matter is that this is procrastination, disguised as productive.I do nothing but draw blueprints for how to achieve my goals, instead of putting in the hours in the present that count, which will evidently lead to the goal a lot quicker.
And I’ve realized it comes down to two things…
Trust and faith.
Trust in myself that I will be where I want to be in 10 years, and faith in what it is I am doing. If I instil these two mantras in the everyday, I am no longer riddled with the anxiety of where it’s all going, but instead just focused on the next minute in front of me, and how I can use that to develop myself towards this need for respect.
It is through being present that we develop ourselves further in the future, focusing on the future and trying to work towards it is redundant because you’ll always feel you can do and be more.
Be truthful to yourself, and have faith in what you do.